Only Human
by Trek-Not-Wars
Summary: After the fall of hydra, Bucky tries to find where he belongs. He meets a woman unlike anyone else he's come across and she's intent on helping him.
1. A Chance

Shuffling down an dark alley in the rain, a war-torn soldier looked for some form shelter to keep dry. Cats darted past and distance strangers bushed by, avoiding the tall, long-haired figure. Wandering,he eventually found himself downtown standing in front of a glass skyscraper surrounded by equally large buildings. The office complex glowed warmly from inside but he doubted that he could go in and be welcomed. He made his way around back and found an underground parking garage, perfect for a shield against the wind. He ventured inside and found a spot in between a silver prius and a black pick-up.

He sat on the Cement parking block and pulled his hood up, vivid images flashed through his head. He tried to make sense of them, these memories that didn't seem like his own, the man who started it all, the one he pulled from the water. "He called me Bucky." He pondered this,his only clue as to what sort of life he had before this one. Head in hands he tried to clear his mind and put things in order. He heard a clicking sound, steady and getting closer, unable to find what memory this noise belonged to he opened his eyes and stood. He punched the pillar behind him with his metal arm. The clicking stopped, but he heard a loud gasp. He turned around and standing behind the prius was a woman. She was dressed in a white blouse,blue pencil skirt and a similar blue feminine blazer. He looked at her feet and saw that she was wearing heels. "Oh,that's what it was." He thought. The woman swiftly reached into the purse she was carrying and brought out something about the size of a cell phone. Bucky eyed it, wondering, but then a spark flew from it and an all too familiar sound came from the small device, he knew immediately what she wielded.

" What are you doing here?" Her voice was calm and clear,she looked straight at him, holding the taser in front of her body. Bucky shifted and made a small movement to conceal his hand.

"I,I was getting out of the rain." He said quietly but his deep voice and dark eyes made her take a step back.

"And you chose to stand right next to my car?" She asked. He looked at the prius. " Please! I would never drive such a lame excuse for a car." She gave a disgusted look and motioned to the pick-up. " Now who are you?" She questioned.

" I don't know." Bucky said after a moment. " You don't, know?" She said hesitantly. He nodded. "Where are you from?" She was starting to get curious. "I don't know that either. I don't know who I am, When I was born, who my family is. I think my names Bucky." He spoke hesitantly and she could tell that he really didn't know anything. She tilted her head and looked him over, taking in everything from the way he was standing to how he was dressed. She reached with her free hand into her purse and pulled out her wallet, keeping the taser up and pointed at him. She slowly pulled out some cash and put the wallet back. "Move over there." She pointed to the opposite side of the prius, where we would be far away from her. Bucky slowly moved, keeping his eyes fixed on her.

She bent to down and pickup a pebble, layed the cash on the truck of the pruis and placed the pebble on top. " Here's some money, Get some food, find a place to stay, and I think you should go to the V.A's." She started backing towards her car. " Why would I go there?" Bucky asked gruffly. " You look like a soldier, well besides your hair. But the way you carry yourself and your memory loss, it sounds like PTSD." She spoke softly. " Now stay there until I leave. Ok?" Bucky nodded. She walked backwards all the way to the drivers door and then got in quickly and sped away. Bucky watched her and then walked over to the cash, he found a hundred and fifty dollars there. He looked around but she was far out of sight by now. He started walking, going to find somewhere to eat but his mind kept going back to that woman. She knew nothing about him and probably thought he was a homeless nut. But still she helped him. "Why? Why would she help me?" he wondered as he came across a pizza parlor. It smelled great and he was starved. As he opened the door he looked back to the the tall skyscraper, maybe he would see that woman again. He felt that if everyone treated him like she did, he would at least have a chance.


	2. Maybe Just for a While

Normally Bucky wouldn't stay in one place for long. He'd walk as far as he could,sometimes getting a ride. He'd eat from the garbage or grab what he could from a hot dog cart,sleep and repeat the next doesn't know where he's going or even what he's looking for but he knows that if he's found by the wrong people, it could turn into a big mess. He slept on a park bench the night before and woke up with the sun. Counting the cash in his pocket he set off to find breakfast. He was tired, tired of not knowing who he was or anything about his past, tired of people being scared of him, tired of being scared of himself. He never knew when his rage was going to get the the better of him. It doesn't feel natural, like its not his own. He doesn't know how to be like any of these other people, they act like they know what they're doing, like they have a purpose. He had walked a couple block before he realized when he was, in front of the office building where he met that woman the other night. He stared up at the glass skyscaper, wondering if he would see her again. He decided to keep moving, he came upon a food truck a few minutes later. After eating an omelet and toast he ask a passerby where the V.A. was. He soon was walking up the front steps of the Main St. V.A. office. Inquiring inside he found there was nothing they could do for him, he didn't know his name or where he served, he had no family to contact and the office was already swamped. The elderly lady at the front desk apologize and suggested checking the newspaper for job openings then went back to answering phones. He stepped out and found a news paper stand, one that took coins. Giving the machine a confusing look, he inserted the necessary amount of coins and received a newspaper. For several hours he looked through the newspaper and walked to the locations listed but found that no one was willing to give a homeless, amnesiac man a job. He was walking back towards the food truck when he heard someone laughing. Images of himself and another man, one who looked similar to the man on the were walking together, joking about something. The man was smaller than him, but he put his arm around him and they heaved over laughing. The memories changed and he saw explosions and heard gun fire. There were men in uniform running with rifles in hand. He fell but someone grabbed his arm and pulled him up. He looked up and saw the same clear blue eyes that belonged to the man on the bridge, his friend in the other memory. The man looked him and smiled " Just liked old times, Buck." The memory cut short and he was staring at the sidewalk. He looked up and again found himself in front of the glass he always he always ended up here. He saw a coffee cart and standing in front of it, reaching out for a cup of coffee, was the woman he met the other night. She wearing a black dress with white and black flats. She was talking and laughing with a man in a business suit who also had a cup of coffee. They walked through the busy courtyard and sat down at a table. Bucky walk to the coffee cart, bought a black coffee and sat down. He drank his coffee in silence occasionally glancing towards the pretty woman. Ten minutes later his patience wore thin and he gulped down the last of his drink. As he stood he knocked over his chair,it made a loud clatter on the concrete. He scowled at the metal chair, noticing that everyone was looking at him now. He quickly set the chair back up,threw his cup in the closest trash can, shoved his hands in his pockets and strode out of the court. A couple of tables away, the woman looked up at the sound a crash and saw Bucky walking walking away. "I have to go, sorry." She politely told her co-worker and started towards Bucky."Hey!" she ran and grabbed Bucky's arm. He jerked his arm away from her grasp and she took a startled step back. His face softened when he recognized her. "What do you want?" he asked, shoving his hand in his pocket but looking her dead in the eye. She hesitated "I,um, saw you at back there and I wanted to check on you. Did you go to the V.A. ?" She looked compassionate which made Bucky break eye contact, compassion wasn't something he received often. " Uh, they couldn't do anything." His husky voice was hushed as he looked around uncomfortably.

"Well um, did you go to the police department or the hospital? Someone might have placed a missing persons report about you. They could help you find out where you're from." He shook his head and inhaled deeply, shifting his weight and looking at the ground. "Oh,okay. I'm Erin by the way." She put out her left hand. Bucky looked at her hand and awkwardly put out his right. " Oh right! Sorry, I'm a lefty." She quickly changed hands and shook his. "Have,have you eaten today?" She was hesitant. "Um yeah, I did this morning." He said surprised at her question. " I was gonna eat but," His voice trailed off and he looked towards to coffee cart and clenched his jaw. She followed his gaze but didn't say anything. She bit he lip and winced. " Would you like to have lunch with me?" she rushed over her words, already regretting her decision. " Um,I, don't know. You probably don't want to-" She cut him. "Oh come on! I threaten you with a taser, you show up at my workplace. We're practically friends all ready." She smile and put her arm out leading the way. "Come. My treat." She didn't look like she'd take no for an answer so Bucky nodded and walked with her. She took him down a couple blocks to an Italian restaurant that looked pretty high didn't know much but he knew that he didn't belong in a place like that. She held the door for him when he hesitated outside the steps; she smiled reassuringly and he walked in. The waiter, an old, thin man who looked like a butler seated them,giving Bucky several disapproving glances. Bucky looked down at his clothes, he was wearing black pants, a gray t-shirt and a blue hoodie that was pretty ratty. Erin was dressed for this sort of environment, with her classic black dress and her hair in a bun, "She looks like a lady." Thought Bucky. They ordered, with Erin recommending her favorite dishes and Bucky accepting. He twisted the cloth napkin under the table trying to control the stress that laid upon him. Erin tried to make polite conversation but found it to no avail. They ate silently and when it came time for dessert Erin asked him where he would stay. "I don't know," he grunted "I don't stay in one place for long." His breathing became shaky as the restaurant filled up with the lunch rush. The building became louder with delightful conversation. Erin noticed his stiffness and wandering eyes. She spoke calmly " I could probably find you a place, with a friend or someone I know." Bucky could hardly hear her as the laughter and talking triggered more disruptive memories. He tried to hold them back, to stay in this world but they were rushing in and flashes of people and places were everywhere. He looked up at the waiter that brought his cheesecake,the man's face morphed into one that looked like the man on the bridge. He squirmed in his seat and started breathing heavily. Erin leaned forward and asked him if he was all right. Bucky looked at her but her face was gone, instead he saw a woman with red lipstick and curled brown hair in a military uniform. He banged his fist on the table, making Erin jump and everyone around look at him. He stood up and started out but ran into a waiter carrying a tray of drinks. The waiter fell over and the drinks went everywhere, Bucky stopped for a second but then continued to rush out. The restaurant was silent as Erin helped the waiter up and paid for their check. She ran outside and looked down the sidewalk, she saw Bucky turn the corner and went after him. At the corner she called his name. He acted like he didn't here her, but she caught up with him. Stepping in front of him, " Hey, Hey." She said softly, putting her hand out in front of him. "Don't you know it rude to leave a girl alone after a meal." He stopped walking and sighed heavily,tossing his head. "I, I'm sorry, But I have to go." He whispered horsely and tried to walk around her but she stepped in front of him again. "You don't have anywhere to go, remember?" She tilted her head to look him in the eyes. He tried not to look at her but the pavement wasn't very interesting. He grunted and shook his head, "I don't now what to do!" He said looking into her eyes. "_He's like a lost puppy." _She sighed " Why don't you stay with me? I've got a spare room and I can help you, with whatever you want. Finding your family, friends or just another place to stay." Bucky shook his head softly " No,I can't. You're to nice and,"

" Yes I can." She said defiantly. "I can decided who stays with me and if it comes to it, I'm not afraid to kick you call the police." Her small smile showed that she wasn't kidding. After several moments of silence Bucky nodded. He broke the whisper and said." Maybe just for a while."


	3. It won't Last

"Okay, this is it." Erin unlocked her apartment door and let Bucky in. He took a few hesitant steps inside and looked around. It wasn't a small place, clearly her job paid well. She had a small foyer that opened into a living room. The floor was wood and the walls were white but decorated rustically. She had a love seat, recliner, and a long couch shoved against one wall. Mounted on the opposite wall was a plasma T.V. with book shelves on either side. The shelves were filled with books, expect the bottom left had DVDs and Cd's. There was a fireplace on the wall between the couch and the T.V. Her apartment had a rustic, homely look but it felt sophisticated. She put her purse and keys on the table and flipped a switch on the wall. A light in the hallway came on revealing six doors.

"Okay. Umm let's see." She clasped her hands together and pursed her lips. " This is the bathroom," she opened the first door on her left. "Here's my umm, Yeah lets just skip this one." She waved her hands in front of the door on the right and moved down to the next one. "This is the closet. Towels here, blankets on the top." She pointed out the shelves. "That's the water tank on the right and on the end is my room. This is where you'll be staying." She opened the last door on the left and flicked a switch. The room was large, it had a full sized bed with a blue bedspread. There was a short blue metal locker designed dresser opposite the bed. Near the corner were red stadium seats. The walls had different traffic signs and sport pictures. Bucky walked the room, running his fingers over the bed and dresser,looking closely at the signs that hung on the wall. "Eclectic I know, but I've got connections and I'm a bit of a collector." She smiled shyly at the room. "The dresser is empty, and closet is as well." She turned around and pulled the blue doors opens revealing empty hangers and a box on the top shelf. "Well for the most part." She laughed softly. Bucky tried a smile but it felt strange on his lips and he looked at the ground. An awkward silence filled the white walled room making Erin squirm and Bucky look at the light red nightstand next to the bed. Erin took a deep breath, "Okay, well here's the blunt part," She pressed her hands together. "Umm, so you're welcome to the kitchen and bathroom, I showed you the closet and there's food in the fridge and pantry. If you want something you can just tell me." She moved hands as she talked. "You don't really seem like the talking type though so there's a note pad on the fridge, you can just write down anything and I'll pick it up. And umm, don't go into my room, or the first door on the right, the one we skipped. Thats private." She bit her lip and rubbed her chin. "I understand." Bucky nodded respectfully. Erin stepped backwards "Great!" she smiled and loosed up a bit. "I'll be making dinner, it probably won't be ready till…" She looked at her watch. "Six. And since its only two now, you can do, whatever." She threw her hands up carelessly. "The shower is free and I can wash your clothes if you want, I also have a set that you can wear. If you shower there's a basket outside the door, just put your clothes there. Oh! And the T.V. all yours." She smiled and shut the door,Bucky could hear her steps fade away. He took off his coat and opened the closet door; he looked in the mirror on the inside door. His completion darkened as he looked at his arm, his metal arm. He pulled off his shirt and looked at the scars that showed where it was attached. His mind wandered to every memory connected with that arm, there didn't seem to be enough, like he was missing something. He turned and batted the door shut, trying to to shut out his arm as well. He thought about showering but the possibility of his arm malfunctioning because of the water worried him. "Ah screw it, I don't even want it anyway." He thought; he grabbed his jacket and shirt and poked his head out the door looking for Erin. He didn't see her so he walked down to the bathroom, grabbing a towel out of the closet and dropping his clothes in the basket by the door. Once in the bathroom he took off the rest of his clothes and quickly reached out the door dropping them in. The shower was warm and soothing, he lost track of time and found himself wandering in his memories. 'Click' He opened his eyes. He pulled back the shower curtain to peeked into the now steamy room. He didn't see anything at first but the spotted something on the counter. He turned off the water, wrapped the towel around him and walked over to the counter. A white t-shirt,jeans, boxers and a black leather belt were in a pile. Bucky dried and dressed quickly, slipped into the hallway, searched through the closet and found a white sheet. He stepped into his room and locked the door. Careful not to make too much noise he ripped the sheet into strips. He took one strip and wrapped it around his left arm to the wrist. Then he stuffed the rest of the sheet into a the dresser and looked down at his hand. It was left uncovered, even if he wrapped the sheet around it he couldn't cover all of his fingers. He looked through to drawers on the night stand and dresser and then opened the closet. He took the box on the top shelf down and opened it. Inside he found found gloves, winter gloves, lace gloves, dozens of gloves, some with no match. He searched through and after a few minutes found a leather,black glove. He slipped his hand in and flexed it. It was snug but it would worked. He put the gloves back in and placed the box on the shelf. He walked into the kitchen and found Erin standing over the stove, stirring a pot. She had changed into jeans and a Tye-dye shirt. Her hair was pulled up into a pony tail and she was barefoot. She turned her head as he walked in and smiled.

…

"It's finally ready." She set a pan on the trivet on the table. She had made homemade lasagna and the smell of it baking had drove Bucky mad. He put down the book he was thumbing through and sat down at the table. Erin scoop a heap onto his plate and handed it to him. She served herself and bowed her head. Bucky took notice but continued to shovel in the meal. After a second she raised her head and started to eat. Erin broke the silence.

"How was your shower?"

"Uh,it was good." He responded

" Do, um the clothes fit well." She asked politely. She had noticed his wrapped arm when he first walked out but chose not to mention it. He grunted as he licked up the last bite on his fork.

"Yes. Where did you get them?" He looked up at her suddenly. She gave a short,breathy laugh and waved her hand.

"Oh they were just lying around." She put another scoop on his plate. He tilted his head and squinted at her quizzically. She looked up from her food and saw the look he was giving her. " What?" She froze,fork in mid-air.

" Well you live alone,I assume,I haven't see anyone else's things. So I guess I think its strange that you have men's clothes in my size '_Just lying around'_." She looked at him curiously.

"Well,I did. You don't have to get so suspicion just because I provided some clothes that were a good fit." She spoke calmly, taking her last bite.

"You take a total stranger into your home,give him perfect clothes, a shower and food. Whats not suspicious about that?" His voice started growing hostel and he gripped his fork till his knuckles her white. Erin glance at his hand,then pushed her chair back and stood. " Bucky," She started cleaning the table. " Just because someone is nice to a stranger doesn't mean they have bad intentions. Some people just want to do good in this world, that's all I'm trying to besides, I think I should be the one who's suspicious." He narrowed his eyes as she took their plates to the sink. " Why would you be worried?" He was trying desperately to keep his cool but found it was slipping from him. She started washing the dishes. "You're in _my _home, you are clearly bigger and stronger than me. And as you pointed out, I live alone." She came back in with wet hands and leaned down to grab the pan. "I think we know who has the advantage here." She had a twinkle in her eye and smile pulling at her lips. Bucky loosened his grip and sat back, breathing deeply. After a second he followed her into the kitchen and leaned against the entryway, watching her as she put away the food and washed the pans. Her every move had a purpose and she made it all seem so graceful. She didn't bother looking at him, she knew where he was and didn't seem worried that he would try anything. Once she had finished she looked at him and dried her hands.

" Would you like to watch some T.V. or read a book, or be by yourself for the evening?" Bucky straightened. He sighed deeply. " What are you going to do?" The question came out like it hurt him. Erin smirked, she could tell that he was trying to be nice. "I was going to read a book while the T.V. played in the back round. Its weird, I know, but its my thing." She waved her hand and walked past him to the living room. Bucky followed, she grabbed a book of the end table and plopped on the couch. She sat criss-cross,picked up the pillows and looking under them. Her brow furrowed as she scanned the room,her eyes finally setting upon the remote. It was on top of the T.V., on the other side of the stuck her lip out and pouted, she turned to Bucky. " Can you hand that to me?" Bucky glanced between her and the remote. He sighed and handed her the remote saying, "The puppy dog eyes are unnecessary, I would've handed it to you without them." He sat on the love seat, purposely away from her. "Oh well." She rolled her eyes dismissively . She turned on a show she had seen numerous times and opened her book. Bucky was completely fascinated by the show, he had never had a chance to sit down and relax. Not that he could remember anyway. Time soon got away from him and before he knew it Erin had turned off the lamp and was shutting the curtains. He looked at the clock on the wall. "_Nine already_?" He thought. "So I'm gonna turn in, I've had a long day." Erin stood in front of the hallway. "Oh okay. Yeah I'll do that to." He stood and walked slowly towards her, looking down at his clothes. "Oh! I,um I put some Pajamas in your room, on the bed." She motioned behind her. "Thanks." He looked past her absently. She walked to her bedroom door and turned to him. "Goodnight Bucky." She smiled and Bucky felt himself smiling back slightly. " G-goodnight." She walked in and shut her door and Bucky was pretty sure he heard the lock click. He changed his clothes and got in bed. It had been a long time since he had been somewhere this comfortable. He rolled over and pulled off his glove. He clenched his hand into a fist and released. Sighing, he resigned to lay on his back and try to sleep. He soon dozed off and was snoring comfortable but his comfort wouldn't last.


	4. Cheesecake

Gunfire and explosions. Angry voices shouting and weaker ones begging for mercy. A blur of chaos and darkness then nothing,silence. A door creaking open,the soft squeak of shoes against the floor. Images flash by. A ceiling fan whirs above,an open window with gentle breeze pushes the curtains to and fro. A muzzled flash. Another. A small child stands at the foot of a bed. Her face twisted in confusion as to why a stranger is standing in her parents' bedroom. The figure looking upon the girl's face turns and stalks out soundlessly. Outside the Mansion he hears a scream. He keeps walking, ignoring the slamming doors and pattering of feet as a household of servants wake to find their employers dead. Walking down the middle of the street he heard sirens blast in the distant but kept up his relaxed pace. Vivid swirling colors and bright lights. He was now sitting in a chair with a strange contraptions around his head. He didn't know what was happening but he also didn't care. Excruciating pain. He clenched his teeth together. A scream escaped his lips.

Bucky woke up in a cold sweat. He realized he had been dreaming but had woken himself up with his scream. He threw off the covers and put his feet on the floor. The cool wood help bring his heart rate down to a reasonable level. He looking around the room, he soon remembered where he was. He ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled. Grabbing the glove off the night stand and slipping it on he walked to the kitchen. "Who's going to be up at this time?" He asked himself, looking at the clock. It was three A.M. He walked to the fridge putting his back against it and started to slide down. He could feel the coldness of it through his shirt and. He put his head in his hands as the quiet atmosphere relaxed him. " What is wrong with me?" He asked aloud. " Nothing." Came a soft reply. He jerked his head up to see the silhouette of a small woman standing by the table. "Erin." He breathed. She took a few steps closer and knelt. "Its not you thats wrong. Its this world. You've been hurt Bucky and you're just trying to make sense of what's happened to you." Her voice was compassionate. " You have to choose how you're going to handle this,your situation and your you're going to choose badly and thats all right. It takes time and no one gets it right at first." Bucky looked at her in wonder. Most people ignore him, some run scared, others call the police. To find himself with a woman that has nothing but positive and loving things to say after finding him a mess in her floor completely astounded him. " But why can't I remember?" He whispered hoarsely. She sighed and readjusted herself. " Sometimes people experience things so horrible that their minds choose to forget, to protect themselves. You, could have been hurt and lost your memories due to an injury. There are other reasons and we will find out but for now, how about we find some comfort from an old friend of mine?" She stood up and walked towards Bucky. "_We?" _He pondered. She put out her hand and he took hold of it, hauling himself up. He found himself looking down on her. "_She's so small_." They were almost touching, and they were still holding hands. Erin smiled and dropped his hand gently. Reaching around him she brushed him arm with hers, making Bucky step back. As harmless as this woman seemed he was still worried of hurting her. She opened the fridge and took out a black Styrofoam box, setting it on the island. She opened a drawer a pulled out two forks and jumped up to sit on the counter, patting the spot next to stepped closer and pushed himself on the the counter, not needing to jump because of his height. He scooted a little farther from her and she set the box in between them and open its lid. Inside Bucky saw a perfect little triangle of cheesecake. He looked up at her curiously. " When you ran out of the restaurant yesterday you forgot your dessert." She gave a small laugh and handed him the fork. " I've spent a lot of nights up on this counter eating my heart out. They say eating for comfort isn't healthy but I say that if you run a mile the next day," She cut a bite with her fork and put in her mouth. " It balances out." She winked. Bucky scooped some onto his fork and shook his head, slightly amused. " Cheesecake." He said mouth full. Erin smiled and took another bite. Bucky didn't know when he started feeling things like amusement but he wouldn't mind feeling them some more.


End file.
